Communication Problems faced by Couples

One of the most difficult challenges that couples face in their marriage is communication problems. The inability to effectively communicate with one's spouse can leave one or both partners feeling unheard, uncared for, and/or unloved. The bad news is that communication issues can be devastating, even fatal, to a marriage. The good news is that you can fix communication issues with the right tools, and communication issues are one of the easiest relationship problems to fix. One can seek Counselling Online for relationship related issues at TalktoAngel.

5 Common Communication Issues in Marriage

Learn about the top five communication issues that married couples and long-term relationship partners face, as well as what you can do to avoid them. Click on any of them to go to that section.

1. Mind reading 

2. Dumping

3. Interrupting

4. Unsolicited Guidance

5. Criticizing

Mind Reading

Mindreading is not a substitute for actual communication, and it has the potential to destroy relationships. This ancient art has gotten many couples into trouble and allowed many situations to be exaggerated. Even if you believe you have ESP or are very intuitive, don't try to read your spouse's mind or expect him to read yours. When you try to figure out what your spouse is thinking, you make decisions and react on information that may or may not be a figment of your imagination. You may become upset and spend hours or days stewing over something you made up in your head. Don't assume you understand what your spouse is thinking or what motivates their actions.

The best way to find out what your spouse is thinking is to ask! Those of you who expect your spouse to read your mind might be wasting your time. If you want your spouse to know how you feel or what you expect from him, you must tell him directly. While in an ideal world, our spouse would intuit all of our needs without our asking, he is likely to be so preoccupied with his "own world" that he is not always thinking about your needs, nor will he necessarily know what you need without being told.

Dumping

Dumping, like venting, frequently involves a long, repetitive complaint. However, the person dumping is in victim mode and is blaming their partner for the problem, not taking responsibility for it, and the rant is typically caustic and toxic. When one spouse has something to say, the other usually can't hold it in. There is often a sense of relief for the "dumper" once she gets it off her chest. The issue is that the spouse on the receiving end is likely to be stressed or reactive. If you have something important to say, especially if it is a complaint or emotional upset with your spouse, don't say it without thinking about the other person. Usually, the moment your spouse walks in the door, tired and hungry, is not the best time. When you catch your spouse off guard, their first instinct will be survival. This frequently manifests as withdrawal or defensiveness. Rather than dumping, see if your spouse is available to talk. Is this the right time? If not, try to schedule that important conversation within the next 24 hours. When you consider your spouse, you are more likely to have your concerns heard and his or her willingness to engage with you in the future.

Interrupting

Interrupting your partner on a regular basis can cause them to construct a moat around themselves, much like an island. Interruptions are the death of communication. How often does your spouse feel she can't even finish a sentence without being interrupted? She may not even want to communicate with you because it is not always safe to share information. While you may feel you have something valuable to say, or you may disagree or feel hurt, listening is not the time to respond. Attempt to remain silent until your spouse has finished speaking. When he's finished, ask if there's anything else he'd like to share. Couples in my marriage counselling practise go a step further and learn how to mirror each other. They simply repeat what the other person has said, with no interpretation or interruption. This ensures that their spouse was truly heard, aids in conflict resolution, and allows them to control their own reactivity and urge to respond. It improves the relationship by allowing them to have a calm and civil conversation, which many couples have never had.

Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice, no matter how well-intentioned, is a major communication no-no. If your spouse is sharing his feelings, this is not the time to offer your opinion on the situation, even if it is painful to hear. If your husband is depressed and opens up about his feelings, telling him that he has a lot to be grateful for will not work. It isn't helpful, and it may make him feel invalidated, making him less likely to share with you in the future. If you are truly listening, your attention must be on the person who is speaking, not on your own discomfort. Your emotions are important and could be the subject of another conversation, but not right now. Make an effort to validate by either not responding or sharing validation phrases like "what you're saying makes sense," "your feelings are important to me," and "what you're saying is valid."

Criticizing

Criticism is a bad habit that can diminish a spouse and destroy trust in a relationship. You began your marriage optimistically, looking to your spouse as a life partner to whom you could always turn, and now you feel as if you are being chosen on a daily basis. It goes without saying that it is critical to spend more time focusing on what your spouse is doing well rather than the negative. As you see more of the positive, the negative becomes less noticeable and bothers you less. Nonetheless, your spouse is likely to do things that irritate you. Instead of criticising, learn a better way to express your needs. Replacing shaming statements like "you always do such and such" with ownership and the word "I" like "when you do x, y, z, I feel" You are more likely to see the desired change if you approach your spouse with more sensitivity and gently explain why you feel the way you do, rather than focusing on what she is doing wrong.

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